Reconnecting

I am in a Summer of Reawakening. I have had three now: after college, after grad school (and my first trip to Europe), and now after publishing my book as a blog. I'm a type A, get-things-done, goal-oriented guy. So when I'm in the middle of a project, I tend to have on blinders. Then when it ends, the world seems as if new. I put myself through college: Northwestern, full-time. I once had literally 10 dollars to my name. In our final acting class when we were talking about what we had experienced there, I started to cry and couldn't stop. It frightened my classmates—and me, truth be told. I hadn't realized how focused I had been on getting through. I worked 60 hours a week in the summer and every free hour during the school year. There was no time to breathe. When I finally could breathe, it came out as sobs. That summer, I vowed to enjoy my accomplishment and not push myself so hard.

In grad school, I lived with a woman with whom I had a messy break-up when I got done. I had always wanted to go to Europe, and I left right after grad school and the break-up for two months. Nothing to do but walk and think and get back in touch with my inner voice. I came back and went to the graduation ceremony to get my degree and chuckled to think that I learned much more in two months in Europe than in five years of grad school. I again vowed to look in my own life for experiences like I had had in Europe.

And now: I took my first research trip for my Hopper book in 2000. I just finished posting it this June. Thank God for blogs, or I'd still have that on my mind. My wise wife pointed out that I needed to get it out just to have the closure of the project. And I needed the closure to remove my blinders and reawaken again to the world.
If you've ever walked through a Frank Lloyd Wright house, you know that he likes to lead you through narrow spaces that open into roomy areas. I read somewhere that he claimed that he got the idea while walking Rome's narrow streets and coming upon its piazzas. Without those narrow passages, the space you come into wouldn't seem as welcome. That's my experience with these projects and the subsequent closure and reawakening. The tightness ends and space opens up.

* * *
I am reconnecting, and using the Internet this time. Any time an old friend joins facebook, I say, “Welcome to the online equivalent of a middle school hallway.” It's bringing back all sorts of adolescent feelings. Do they remember me? Do they like me? Do I know the "right" blogs? Well, one blog has been a big help: Chicago writer. Mike has a good friend who asked him, "Are you trying to live your life without making enemies?" Good question.

* * *
Dreams: A beautiful young woman with dark hair takes my hand, and I try to lead her into a garden. It is a very formal English garden. Square routes are contained within circles and scalloped designs. I realize upon awakening: she is my anima and we are trying to get back to the garden, the mandala that represents the soul.

I also had a dream that I was asleep in someone else's condo. Unconsciousness leads you to dwell in someone else's place, not your own.

When young, I had a series of airplane dreams. They always crashed. In college, I figured out that they represented lofty expectations crashing to the ground. The planes stopped crashing. But they continued to fall, dip, and perform various maneuvers. The other night was a new one though. In real life, I had seen Air Force One flying into Chicago a while back. In the dream, I saw planes and realized that two planes were protecting a bigger plane. "It's Air Force One," I said. Then one of the military planes came diving toward the ground. As it approached, it stopped and began maneuvering its needle nose along the road route at 700 mph. "It's making sure the area is safe," I said. And then the big airplane came to land right by me. As it got closer, I saw that it had "Canada" written in big letters on its side (in the color scheme of an old Molson beer can --I love dreams!). "It's not the president, it's the premier of Canada," I said. In the dream, my wife and I were on a walk in Wisconsin, where we often go to get away. She had lived in Canada for a while, so she wasn't as interested as I was to go see him. "How often can you see the premier of Canada on a walk in Wisconsin?" I asked her. Answer: I get to see the premier person associated with Canada on my walks in Wisconsin: my wife.